Dear Mom & Dad,
Thank you for not being these parents and for giving me a sane name like Ben. Calling me Benjy for so many years wasn’t my favorite thing, but I’ll let that slide. At least I’m not a Japheth or a Willoughby. I would hate to have to go through all the hassle of changing mine once I turn 18 like so many of these kids will probably have to do.
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